A Few Campaign/Operational Promises

As a public representative, I should be listening more than I'm speaking.

 

I will take as compensation no more than the median income for the area I represent. I should be living like a regular person in my community and not behaving like an elitist.

 

If I am ever known to lie to or cheat my constituents, I will rectify the problem first and then resign or suicide. Whatever you guys want. Maybe public flogging? Put me in bondage and rub ice cubes on my balls?

 

I will encourage personal growth, prosperity and a society of …people doing what they love and creating the society they want to live in. Whatever that's called. Nutopia.

 

I will treat all people, regardless of race, gender or gender identification, sexual orientation, criminal or mental health history, disability, preference for pineapple on pizza, et al, equally and value their ideas and contributions to our community. Until they give reason to believe otherwise.

 

Any other income earned, related to my political career or not, I will be completely transparent about and allow public audit at any time. Well, not any time, I’ve got shit to do. But at least once or twice a year sounds fair. I will accept campaign donations, sponsorships, pose for sexy calendars, etc. but never in exchange for legislation or preferential treatment. Only for money, drugs, handjobs or livestock.

 

I will fight for true freedoms, being able to live our lives as we like, so long as we aren't hurting people (or animals) or damaging/stealing property. There are too many laws and I promise not to criminalize ordinary people for living their lives. At the same time, your liberty shouldn’t come at the expense of the people. I don’t want to take all of your money, uber-rich people, just enough to help people not want to kill themselves every day because they’ve been in survival mode for so long. You can still have that chalet in Switzerland and the private island and shit, but fuck, man, you can’t take it with you. You realize people would work for little-to-nothing if it weren’t about ‘The Grind’, right? If they’re inspired to create and innovate, it’s not about using each other for profit/survival, it’s about creating a better world where you still get to be super-rich and bougie.

 

I will focus public funds on that which is good for the people and community. Education, health and wellness, small business, housing, quality food for all, gainful employment.

Unifying our community can and will allow us to take funds from the redundant, negative and unnecessary institutes, such as courts and law enforcement and use that money to create prosperity in our community.

(Guess which unions aren't going to support me?! Look, guys, I'm not saying you should get paid less. Shit, I want everyone to make more. What I don't want is a police/legal system versus the people environment. It's up to all of us to connect and put aside adversarial behavior. When we get along better, you guys don't have to be out there battling suspects, because there need not be so many suspects. More on that later, cats).

 

Going back to my first promise, imma shut up now.