What the hell are you doing here? I don't see your name on the List.
Back to SchoolBack to School
To prove to meI'm not a fool.
You better free your mind instead
Look, it's not rocket science. It's not even high-school science. Stop making laws on top of laws to fix the problems that all of the asinine laws are creating. Legislation should be simple: don't hurt anybody, don't fuck with their shit, don't cause general mayhem for the sake of mayhem. I'm cool with anarchy, but you don't need to be a douchecanoe about it. Speaking of which, if all of you fucktards stopped stealing from each other and were nice for a change, we wouldn't need all of these laws and lawyers and cops in the first place. They say crime is down. Then why the need for more guns and tanks and officers? There's a way to make food and housing and even drugs affordable for everybody. It can be done without infringing on the "freedoms" of the slumlords and billionaire cocknockers. I can't do it alone, we all have to work together to take down the oligarchy!
It is okay to lie to a government that lies to you.
It is okay to break unjust laws.
It is okay to vote not-guilty for a 'crime' you don't agree with.
It is okay to kill them before they kill you. (That's their policy, anyway!)
Nothing is off limits. We can talk about any issue you want, it won't get me riled up. I respect all opinions, but when it comes to public service, I have a duty not to one party or another, but to what is in the best interest of all people and this requires cretivity beyond the two-party jackassery.
Look, I'm no politician. I could certainly come up with some innovative solutions for the problems in this country, but I'm not going to go out and debate babies or kiss assholes or whatever. If you want to ask a question or know what I think, I'm down. Email me.
They're too busy arguing with each other. I'm cool with actually getting some shit done. They can bitch all they want, I'm not looking for the approval of career liars, I'm looking to do good by the people. If I don't, I'll quit. Or they can have me exicuted by harakiri or something equally symbolic.
I would be remiss to think I could actually change the country or the world from a grassroots platform like this. Honestly, I don't think it'll change in any significant way in our lifetimes. I mean, if Russia or China takes over, I'm sure, but otherwise it seems like folks are cool with the status quo.
I'll tell you right now that the number-one thing I have going for me beyond all those other guys is integrity. My campaign promise will be "incorruptability" and I intend to hold others in the public forum to the same standard.
I don't want to do this forever. Career politician is not something I have on my bucket list. Maybe five years is all I have in me before I burnout and jump from the Washington Monument. I only want to make hard pushes for what's right and set prescedence for the standard to which an elected official should be held to. Chances are, they'll assassinate me, but it is what it is.
Hey All You Whipper-Snappers,
Crystal Blue Persuasion is a song that was originally recorded by Tommy James and the Shondells back in Boomer times. Don't go thinking I wrote it or anything like y'all do with all those Justice Beaver and Serena Goatheads critters.
Tweed Jefferson is the name, image and character used for the release of art, music and books. He is responsible for the destruction of at least seven civilizations. Between 1775-1965, he was buried alive under what would later become San Francisco. When he woke up, he was pissed at how much everything had changed, but it was the sixties in SF, so that was cool for a while. He's even more pissed now. People have somehow managed to destroy the planet more in the last hudred years than in all of their existence. It's time to find them and make them pay for what they're doing to our world. It's not theirs to destroy.
All your life your mom told you not to forget your funk. "Don't leave the house without fresh funk!" she'd remind you as you got ready for school every morning. As you got older, you rebelled. You didn't want the funk. Then, as you got older, you forgot about the funk altogether. You might just feel nostalgic - or maybe your mom was right, funk is good for you. Luckily, Electric Funk Explosion will be providing free funk to all ages at the Tower Porchfest.
Our old pal Tweed is up to his usual tricks - corrupting the youth of America. This time, he tells the story of a high-school freshman learning about sex, drugs and rock'n'roll for the first time.
"It'll be fun, you'll see."
I do other things besides think I'm right all the time.
The Walls Instead
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. Sadly, that didn't work out. I suppose it's not to late, but I'll have to be one of those dudes who hangs out in a booth at the local club. I did waste away my twenties by being a moderately unsuccessful musician. As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to record an album of my own music. It may have taken a couple of decades to finally do it, but here it is.
Writing is fun. When I got stuck at home with my Brain Hole, I decided to do something that I'd always wanted to try - write a book. Turned out I liked it and it didn't suck (I think). So I wrote a bunch more. And I published my journals from when I was kidnapped and held hostage by the government. And some new information about The Zodiac Killer, along with some never-before-seen ciphers. It's been a fun journey and I hope to keep making books. And blackberry cobblers, I hope to keep making those, too.
I make words
My training as a black-belt and instructor in Aikido and other martial arts has given me the ability to think fluidly and adapt easily, without having expectations or demands for what will happen next. I still teach some, but mostly private lessons. I've also got a couple of martial arts books in the works, including one on how to be a modern-day ninja on a budget. I'll be getting to that one soonish.
Aikido & Me
You never know, I might come out of my hermitage to write you back or do a little striptease on Zoom for you ($0.48 for the first minute, $1.51 for each additional minute).
I usually take anywhere between 6-23 days to respond to anything besides email, if ever.
If you ask nicely, I may give you the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
This website, Tweed Jefferson, TweedLand, Rockstar Nobody and basically everything I do is satire. Don't take it so seriously, Brenda.